Limited Warranty on Me

This is the second time that I am receiving this pamphlet. The second time I am receiving this thin plastic card. It's thinner than a credit card, but thicker than my car insurance card. I am supposed to use it at airport security or if I need medical scans done. So, I put the card in my wallet, like I did the first time. The first time, however, I just tossed the pamphlet in the trash. This time, I gave it a read through.

Basically, it says if certain things go wrong with the device, I can return it within 30 days from explantatMaybeion. it's just me, but when I think about my new spinal leads, wires, and batteries, they are a part of me. A limited warranty is such a retail thing. Like, buying a car. Not something that would be needed for my body.

The warranty itself doesn't bother me as far as financial or insurance is concerned, since I am covered under worker's comp, but it does remind me of needing mine removed in March. It reminds me how sick I got. It reminds me of all of the failure.

It makes me feel uneasy. I have been so confident this whole time. When I was knocked down hard these past few months, I shook it right off and looked to what's next. I just kept asking myself what I needed to do to get back on track with the spinal cord stimulator plan.

I surprised myself that it took receiving this pamphlet for a second time, after my re-implantation of the lower implant, to feel this way. Only days before my next surgery. My mind swarms with everything that could happen. Here is where I have to stop myself.

It is so easy to go down a dark spiral of worry. And it is hard to share those feelings with others in a serious way. I find myself angry and irrationally frustrated with others when I am dealing with these kinds of feelings. I hear myself making a jab at my husband, but I can't stop myself. I hurt. I am broken inside.

The irony of it all is that I am putting myself in the situation that is causing the hurt. My job put me in the situation that is causing the hurt. Three and a half years ago one student put me in the situation that is causing the hurt.

All this from a damn warranty pamphlet that I received in the mail today ......